Honouring the Ick

You know that weird feeling when someone you’re dating suddenly does something that repulses you? Anna shares her experience of the Ick and how it's become a guiding light in the way she relates.

The first time the Ick showed up for me was many years ago, but the first time I viscerally remember honouring it was two years ago, at 34 years old. It showed up in relation to a lover, a great lover, in fact. Wow, it was uncomfortable. There was no other word to describe what I was feeling in my body. My mind scrambled for days to find a story to validate the sensations my body was so clearly communicating … the Ick.

So what is the Ick?

As defined by Later.com in their social media glossary, "Ick" is a slang term that is commonly used to describe a feeling of disgust or aversion towards something or someone.

What happened is I started to feel a strange mix of apprehension and anxiety, densely concentrated in my solar plexus, that steadily intensified. My behaviour toward my lover shifted, I became avoidant because I didn’t have a rational explanation or words to clearly articulate what I was feeling, let alone communicate my feelings. I was overwhelmed.

I searched under every mental rock for potential reasons why, mostly to be able to share them with my lover, but I found none. Eventually I just had to honour it without explanation, by communicating that things had changed and I was no longer available to pursue an intimate relationship.

To my surprise, the information was honestly but warmly received and I was not asked to provide a single concrete reason as to why our relationship had suddenly shifted.

The relief, ease and spaciousness in the days and weeks following that conversation ignited a very deep and curious internal enquiry, one that is still very present for me.

I started relating to my Ick. I noticed that the feeling showed and continues to show up for me in varying degrees, in relation to different things in my life: people, places and situations.

I have come to understand the Ick as the first – sometimes subtle, other times not so subtle – expression of my NO. And the more I have honoured it without ‘rational reason’, the clearer my NO has become. Sometimes there are very obvious reasons around why it has shown up, but I do not always share that information, nor do I feel pressured or compelled to do so.

That clarity is for me to better love and honour my heart, time, energy and body.

When the Ick shows up for me, I receive it as an invitation to pause, enquire, assess my current boundaries and change what needs to be changed. To me, the Ick, how I experience it in my body, is my NO made visceral. To stay regulated, grounded, and present, I honour it in some shape or form. Always.